Your occasional dose of cynicism and randomness.


So like everything else in life that requires consistent updating, (journals, laundry, tax information) I have failed in keeping up with the blog as well. I just get involved in other things and tell myself that I'll get to it later. I have a journal with one entry. Seriously.

Anyway, here's the month in review: I played a lot of video games, ate a lot of burgers, and got a total of about 16 hours of sleep.

I've been working on a ton of new hardware for work. We got 10 new servers and put them in a data center. I've been in charge of getting that all set up.

I also started an application process to work for Cisco next year in North Carolina. I'm going to San Jose next week for the final interview, so we'll see how that goes.

See? Why post a hundred times when I can smack it all out in one post?

Just kidding, I'll try to repent.


Well, so far, the Binary License Plate is in the lead, but there are 2 more days to vote, so If you pay any attention to this thing, give me a hand, will ya?

I think I might also post another poll... about Racing stripes.

Isn't it sad that I don't have anything to post about besides my car?

Somebody call the Waaambulance

I have been described as "Never happy unless he has something to complain about".

Well, this post definitely fits into that category.

So at my work, we get free lunch on Friday. The receptionist goes to a local place (she varies where she goes - it is different every week) and brings food back for everyone. Also, every six weeks or so, my team goes to a movie on the company's bill. We get all the free popcorn, candy, soda, etc that we want.

Usually I over-eat on Friday lunches, so I don't get much at the movies. There are only one or two things they get for lunch that I don't love. Today was such a lunch. We got Wingers, which is good, but I don't eat a lot, because it isn't my favorite.

Unfortunately, it is also movie day, but there isn't anything that anyone on my team wants to go see, so we're going to go play pool or something instead.

So the one day I could get all the movie treats I wanted because I didn't overeat, we decide not to go to the movies. Bah!

Maybe I'll quit.

Just because they're out to get me...

I had a mission companion who was a conspiracy theorist. "Cars could get 100 mpg, but the government puts microchips in them to keep the oil companies happy."

Now, I usually don't buy into conspiracy theories, but I have one of my own. Certain corporations are spying on my thoughts.

As a kid, I was deeply immersed in comic books. Whenever we had spare money, my friend Daniel and I would walk to the comic book store (sometimes a whopping 2 miles away!) and blow our wads. We each had our favorite characters, but sometimes we would make up superheros on our own. On multiple occasions, I would describe a character I had made up to Dan. I would talk about his powers, his costume, and what kind of hero he was (mythical like Thor, mutant like X-Men, alien like Superman, or created like Spider-Man).

Lo and behold, 3 weeks later, Marvel comics has a new superhero who is EXACTLY like the one I made up.

Other things I invented in my head before they became mainstream include: rollerblades, blogs, and portable mp3 players.

I gotta figure out how these corporations keep getting into my head... or maybe I'm just psychic...

i m a 733t typer

Maybe you have noticed that I have an over-fondness of using the ellipsis (... to you non-English majors) in my typing. I don't know why this is. I think it might have to do with the fact that I wish I could have better comedic timing when I talk, and the ellipsis is my way of trying to provide those pauses.

It's quite funny to me, actually. I can't stand it when people don't use punctuation (text messages and IM aside), but it's rather humorous (in a sad way) when people over-use it, too. There are those who use too many exclamation points or question marks: "I'm here!!" "Where???"

and then there r those idiots all over the internet who dont use ne punctuation at all and dont no the difference between words so your going insane when trying to read there typing.


Sorry about that, but it's the kind of typing I have to deal with all the time. Try deciphering that everyday. Yuck.

Anyway, I suppose we all have things in the written English language that we feel everyone MUST subscribe to, and things that we let slip because it is "no big deal". What are some of your writing rules?

I can't do it! I don't have the Power!

I'm going to shoot someone who works at my power substation.

I've been living in my parents' basement for the last little while, and every couple of weeks, they have power issues. One week, three nights in a row, the power was literally up and down every five minutes for 2 hours.

Last night, it must have gone off again. My alarm clock has no battery backup, and it didn't go off. I sat up in bed at 10am. Crap. I also had a computer that was uploading something to a server for work. Guess what didn't finish? Yeah.

I called my boss as I was driving in to let him know I was coming... He hadn't noticed I wasn't there. I just drew attention to it.

So, two and a half hours late for work, and my upload didn't finish. I've got a headache from being stressed first thing in the morning, and now I need to work later. Fun.

Finish the Fight

A couple of weeks ago, I was in a store looking at car stereos. As I was leaving, I saw a sign for pre-orders of Halo 3. Uh, oh. I vowed not to buy an Xbox 360 until one of two things happened: 1) I could mod it like my current Xbox, or 2) Halo 3. Guess which came first?

So I pre-ordered the game. Unfortunately, I didn't own a console to play it on, so I went back a few days later and bought one. I needed something to play in the interim, so I got Guitar Hero II (fun game, btw).

Well, the day arrived, and I went nuts. Picked up the game, got some decals to stick on my 360, because, hey, why not? Played on easy and beat it in about 5 hours. (Because I wanted to see the story line)

Can I just say, best Halo ever! Loads of fun, good story, great features. I enjoyed some of the easter eggs I found in the game (RvB FTW!) and liked feeling tough as I played a game I know I'm good at.

Now it is time for multiplayer. I've been trying to get something together for some friends to come play. I want to do it at Luke's house, because he has the HD projector and central location. (Some friends are in SLC, others in Provo) Hopefully it will come to fruition this Saturday. If not, we'll still do it, but at my house in SL.


So, in response to a comment I made on his blog, Joel asked if I was being personality #1: Smart-ass. I asked if I had other personalities, and he came up with this list:

#1 Smartass Jer
#2 Rage-a-holic Jer
#3 Computer Genius Jer
#4 Jer, the Star-Crossed Lover
#5 Generous Jer, or Jer the Giver
#6 Witty Jer
#7 Lead-foot Jer
#8 Jer the Middle-Aged Chinese Woman (I've never met her personally)
#9 Jer the Singer
#10 Jer Who Does the Other Musical Stuff Like Play Guitar
#11 Surly Jer, who beats people up for insinuating he has multiple personalities
#12 Jer the Chef, specializing in cold-cuts and fast food

So I've decided to do a series of posts about these personalities. Before I do, does anyone have anything to add or modify on this list?


My family went to the State Fair last night. My siblings came and brought the kids, and my parents bought all kinds of junk food for us. It was fun. The highlight of the evening for me, however, was the Mechanical Bull. I had never ridden one before, but I think I did pretty well considering I had a headache. My brother in law tried to "spur" the thing, but ended up kicking his shoes off and almost knocked out some girl. My sister headbutted the bull on accident.

The best of all, though, was my dad. Clem has TWO hernias and a bad back. He was stiff as a board riding, and he got flung from the bull and landed about 20 feet away... just past the soft padding you're supposed to land on.

So the funeral's on Friday, and it turns out I get the life insurance money.

Just Kidding. He's fine. But it was really funny to watch a 56-year-old man with back problems trying to ride a mechanical bull and almost snapping his femur bone in half. Really, Dad. If you wanted to feel a bit younger, I'll lend you my car keys, ok?

Mail-Order Brides

Ok, according to Wikipedia:

The United States Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS) reports that "...marriages arranged through these services [mail-order brides] would appear to have a lower divorce rate than the nation as a whole, fully 80 percent of these marriages having lasted over the years for which reports are available." [2] The USCIS also reports that "... mail-order bride and e-mail correspondence services result in 4,000 to 6,000 marriages between U.S. men and foreign brides each year."

So... statistically, I'd be stupid NOT to do it, right?

No, just kidding. I'm not that desperate yet. I still refuse to take internet dating sites seriously. But it is surprising that these kind of marriages last more often than traditional ones. I guess that Rebekah in the Bible was technically a mail-order bride.

Is it because these women typically don't have the power to divorce in their home countries? Is it because they stay married for legal reasons but go their own ways? Or is there something we're missing?

Whatever it is, I guess I won't make fun of Uncle Bob and Aunt Anastassya anymore...


So, I've recently been turned on to a comic strip called "Basic Instructions". I love the cynical feel of the whole thing and often laugh my pants off, which can be quite embarrassing at work. Anyway, while I was digging through the archives, this one struck a chord:

I'm yellow with envy...

Ok, so I'm not the first to do this, but here's me as a Simpson's Character:


No time to post. I'm doing 120 down I-80 in my new car!

Getting Antsy...

So, I bought a car. Actually, I ordered a car. For those who don't know, I ordered a 2008 Ford Mustang. I settled on the V6 instead of the GT, but whatever. I'm buying eye candy.

Anyway, I ordered it several weeks ago, and have been waiting ever since. The dealership called and told me it would get here sometime during the week of Sept 2nd, but when I went to talk to them last Thursday, they said it was on a train already.

Now I'm getting really impatient. I feel like I've been waiting forever for this thing. It started as a kind of "Welcome to the Real World" and also a "Life sucks, do something nice for yourself" thing. Now it has become a "It's about time" kinda thing.

Funny how something that was originally meant to take my mind off of things and help me just enjoy life is now making me so crazy. Kinda like every girl I've ever dated....

Go to Hell!

So, my friend Joel did a post on his blog about his own personal hell. Rather than just comment on his blog, I figured I'd make a post of my own about it. (What? I'm supposed to be original?)

So, in my own personal hell, nobody, including myself would ever shower. People would smell like mold. Everyone would also be coughing and sniffling all the time. People would drive 10 mph below the speed limit, and they would go side-by-side, so you couldn't pass. Everyone would be 20 minutes late, but events would always start on time. I'd always have to wait for them. Bench seats would not allow enough room for someone with shoulders like mine to sit comfortably... I'd have to hunch over.

.... This is starting to sound like a typical work day for me.....

Yeah, as if you even noticed.

So, I haven't posted in a while. I've been out of town. What's it to you?

Me, me, ME!

I am WAY too literally minded. When somebody tells me they'll call me back in five minutes, I'm checking my watch four minutes and forty-five seconds later. When I leave a message for somebody to call me, I keep my cell phone in hand for an hour after, waiting for the call.

At the same time, I exaggerate beyond belief. If somebody has told me to do something twice, I'll complain that they told me five times already. If I've been waiting for ten minutes, I'll whine that it has been half an hour.

This started as a post about the dual nature people can sometimes have, but now as I look at it, I realize it's just selfishness. My little world revolves around me, and apparently, I have a problem when other people don't revolve around me as well.

There's an eye-opener at 9 am.

No, no! Anything but that!

We all have irrational fears. My greatest irrational fear is of clowns. They scare the crap out of me. People ask if it is because of the movie IT. The answer is no, but that movie didn't help things.

I had a friend once who was terrified of ovens. He had never burned himself with one, known anyone who had been injured by one, or even seen evidence of a major oven-related injury, but the things just scared him. He didn't learn to use an oven until he was 23.

As a kid, I overheard my dad talking about rats in the south, how they would climb through the pipes and enter the house through the toilet. As a result, I wouldn't sit down all the way until I was 10.

Why do we have these kinds of stupid fears? What is it about our psyche that requires us to be scared of lame things? There is no survival instinct related to my fear of clowns. If anything, I should be scared of women.

What are your irrational fears? Are they truly irrational?

The Grass is Always Greener

A strange thing occurred to me today. I'm in a good mood for no apparent reason. The stresses of work haven't subsided, I still have no social life of which to speak, and I'm still short, fat, and bald, but I'm in a good mood.

I'm used to bad moods for no reason. I seem to get one of those days at least twice a month. I'm just surly. No rhyme or reason to it.

I often wonder if I'm just a little imbalanced, or if other people have these kinds of mood swings. I know from experience that my moods can be tempered by good things happening in my life, but I have no idea why I sometimes swing from one extreme to the other.

Anyway, I hope this lasts, because being a pessimistic person with an inferiority complex is easier when you're happy for no reason. :)

..And a cup of loyalty, super-sized

I don't know what has happened to customer service in this country. It seems that nine times out of ten, some company really couldn't care less if I'm satisfied. I feel like consumers are taken advantage of all the time.

I remember when I bought a huge 64oz refillable mug to take to work with me. It was from convenience store A and had their logo on it. One day, I stopped at convenience store B for gas and to fill up my mug. The refill cost 59 cents. The clerk saw my mug and told me for the same 59 cents, they'd trade my (store A) mug for a (store B) mug, and every time I filled up at (store B) with that mug, I'd get my refills for 49 cents.

I took the deal without thinking much about it, but as I was driving away, I realized "hey, they just bought my loyalty for 10 cents of soda!"

And it was true. I went there to fill up all the time after that. It wasn't so much the money, it was that they were TRYING to get and keep me as a customer. They treated me as if my small amount of business was worth their time. As a result, I probably ended up spending hundreds of dollars on gas there that would have gone to another company... all for an offer of 10 cents off soda.

What happened to the days when companies really competed for prices and tried hard to treat customers well? What happened to "the customer is always right?" It seems that many big companies have turned the other way and have teamed up against customers as if to say "what are you going to do about it?"

I for one am going to keep looking for those customer-centric businesses and giving them my business.

Bedtime Revelations

For some people, the best ideas come in the shower. For me, they come in bed, as I'm trying to fall asleep. Laying there, it becomes easy to either disconnect from my problems and think of solutions, or to go completely the other way and feel sorry for myself.

With my recent break-up, many people have been telling me I need to find the lesson I needed to learn from it. Last night in bed, I think I found it. Simply put, I need to like me for me. I can't let my self esteem be directed by whether or not somebody else cares about me. Besides, how can someone else truly care about me if I don't like myself unless they like me which they won't because i don't like me because.... it's a vicious cycle.

Time to end the cycle. Now to think of things I like about myself... let's see.....

Oh, well. I've done enough. I'll get to that part tomorrow.



Apparently, I have some work to do... What's your zombie plan?

Brain Damage

I got in a fender-bender today. I was pulling out of a parking stall when a lady in a minivan decided to back up so she could get into the stall next to me. I had pulled out very slowly and saw her coming. I came to a complete stop, she did not.

As I watched her unabated approach, I hit my horn and held it down. She then smashed into me with her rear bumper.

We both pulled into parking stalls and proceeded to observe the damage. Luckily, it seemed there was very little, and we both decided that it wasn't worth getting insurance involved. We exchanged phone numbers just in case and went on.

So here's the thing? Why did I have the presence of mind to come to a complete stop and lay on the horn, but not to shift back into drive and get out of the way? Further, why did she have the presence of mind to see the spot next to me as open, but not see me pulling out or honking? She never even looked at her mirrors. Why do our brains do that to us?

Something about being in the moment makes those obvious decisions hard. It's easy to sit at home and belittle the people who lose at "Are you smarter than a 5th grader", but when you're the one up there in the spotlight, you lose some of that disconnect and can't think as clearly.

Funny how everyone else seems to be a moron until it's you in that position.

Real Life vs the Internet

I play a game called World of Warcraft. Now, those of you who know what this is are either shaking your heads in disgust or nodding because you play it too. For those who don't know, it is an online game where you run around as a character and complete quests, conquer dungeons, upgrade your armor and weapons, and fight the opposing faction. (Players can be either Alliance or Horde, and you're against each other)

In the game, you form groups called "guilds". In these guilds, you work together with other players. You spend a lot of time working together, and friendships can be formed.

So why do my real-life family and friends look at me funny when I tell them I have plans to go online because people are waiting for me? Is there any difference in making plans to play a game with online friends and going to the movies with local ones? It's not like I'm sitting by myself for hours on end, I'm actually interacting with people and doing something I enjoy. Thoughts?

Bees! Bees everywhere!

It's funny how people can get on our nerves and the lengths we will go to get back at them.

So, today I discovered that one of the signs for handicap parking at my building has a wasp nest in it. As I was thinking about it, I noticed that one of the guys in the office that I don't like has a habit of lightly kicking things as he walks past (doorways, poles, my chair).

So I find myself wondering: is there a way I can convince him that he hast to park in the stall next to the handicap one?

I wonder if he's allergic to bee stings....

I give up.

Well, it seems everyone has a blog these days. I've fought back and resisted, but I can't take anymore. Apparently, I'm supposed to have one to keep my "friends" informed.... I don't know who these people are, but if they're my friends, can they contact me... and maybe lend me 5 bucks?

Just kidding.