The Office

Today I was chatting with my boss and our facilities manager, when my boss said, pointing to me, "He's our 'Dwight'".

I was taken aback and was slightly offended. He said "Think about it... Knowledgeable, surly, weapons...." (No I don't have weapons hidden around the office, nor do I bring any in)

I said if anything, I was closer to Andy. (For some reason, this is slightly less insulting to me, even though Andy is an idiot) A Cappella geek, bad with women, temper problems. I'm much more likely to put my fist through a wall than to mace some guy who's attacking someone else.

What do you think? Where do I fit? Do any of you have "The Office" characters at work?

Legal Advice

I went to Draper City Court today to contest my speeding ticket. I got there during lunch, and the lady there took my citation, made a copy, then said, "OK, you have until October 30 to pay..." I told her "Actually, I'd like to plead 'not guilty'." "I was just about to suggest that... the fine is pretty steep because of the construction zone."

Now, far be it from me to judge such things, but is it OK for someone who works at the courthouse to suggest pleading not guilty? I figure that kind of thing might be frowned upon.

Just because they're out to get me...

I had a mission companion who was a conspiracy theorist. "Cars could get 100 mpg, but the government puts microchips in them to keep the oil companies happy."

Now, I usually don't buy into conspiracy theories, but I have one of my own. Certain corporations are spying on my thoughts.

As a kid, I was deeply immersed in comic books. Whenever we had spare money, my friend Daniel and I would walk to the comic book store (sometimes a whopping 2 miles away!) and blow our wads. We each had our favorite characters, but sometimes we would make up superheros on our own. On multiple occasions, I would describe a character I had made up to Dan. I would talk about his powers, his costume, and what kind of hero he was (mythical like Thor, mutant like X-Men, alien like Superman, or created like Spider-Man).

Lo and behold, 3 weeks later, Marvel comics has a new superhero who is EXACTLY like the one I made up.

Other things I invented in my head before they became mainstream include: rollerblades, blogs, and portable mp3 players.

I gotta figure out how these corporations keep getting into my head... or maybe I'm just psychic...

i m a 733t typer

Maybe you have noticed that I have an over-fondness of using the ellipsis (... to you non-English majors) in my typing. I don't know why this is. I think it might have to do with the fact that I wish I could have better comedic timing when I talk, and the ellipsis is my way of trying to provide those pauses.

It's quite funny to me, actually. I can't stand it when people don't use punctuation (text messages and IM aside), but it's rather humorous (in a sad way) when people over-use it, too. There are those who use too many exclamation points or question marks: "I'm here!!" "Where???"

and then there r those idiots all over the internet who dont use ne punctuation at all and dont no the difference between words so your going insane when trying to read there typing.

*Shudder*

Sorry about that, but it's the kind of typing I have to deal with all the time. Try deciphering that everyday. Yuck.

Anyway, I suppose we all have things in the written English language that we feel everyone MUST subscribe to, and things that we let slip because it is "no big deal". What are some of your writing rules?

Mail-Order Brides

Ok, according to Wikipedia:

The United States Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS) reports that "...marriages arranged through these services [mail-order brides] would appear to have a lower divorce rate than the nation as a whole, fully 80 percent of these marriages having lasted over the years for which reports are available." [2] The USCIS also reports that "... mail-order bride and e-mail correspondence services result in 4,000 to 6,000 marriages between U.S. men and foreign brides each year."

So... statistically, I'd be stupid NOT to do it, right?

No, just kidding. I'm not that desperate yet. I still refuse to take internet dating sites seriously. But it is surprising that these kind of marriages last more often than traditional ones. I guess that Rebekah in the Bible was technically a mail-order bride.

Is it because these women typically don't have the power to divorce in their home countries? Is it because they stay married for legal reasons but go their own ways? Or is there something we're missing?

Whatever it is, I guess I won't make fun of Uncle Bob and Aunt Anastassya anymore...

No, no! Anything but that!

We all have irrational fears. My greatest irrational fear is of clowns. They scare the crap out of me. People ask if it is because of the movie IT. The answer is no, but that movie didn't help things.

I had a friend once who was terrified of ovens. He had never burned himself with one, known anyone who had been injured by one, or even seen evidence of a major oven-related injury, but the things just scared him. He didn't learn to use an oven until he was 23.

As a kid, I overheard my dad talking about rats in the south, how they would climb through the pipes and enter the house through the toilet. As a result, I wouldn't sit down all the way until I was 10.

Why do we have these kinds of stupid fears? What is it about our psyche that requires us to be scared of lame things? There is no survival instinct related to my fear of clowns. If anything, I should be scared of women.

What are your irrational fears? Are they truly irrational?

The Grass is Always Greener

A strange thing occurred to me today. I'm in a good mood for no apparent reason. The stresses of work haven't subsided, I still have no social life of which to speak, and I'm still short, fat, and bald, but I'm in a good mood.

I'm used to bad moods for no reason. I seem to get one of those days at least twice a month. I'm just surly. No rhyme or reason to it.

I often wonder if I'm just a little imbalanced, or if other people have these kinds of mood swings. I know from experience that my moods can be tempered by good things happening in my life, but I have no idea why I sometimes swing from one extreme to the other.

Anyway, I hope this lasts, because being a pessimistic person with an inferiority complex is easier when you're happy for no reason. :)